young. The disco ball spun, throwing multi-colored gems of light around the room. She stood alone in a corner...watching...waiting. And then she saw him...
He was tall, dark and very handsome. There was a dominet strength about him, and yet he seemed less forboding than her former husband. The only thing that stopped her from walking over and offering this gem of a man a drink was the fact that this was her target and she had a job to do...
Yes, the life of a Candy Gram girl wasn't always easy, but Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards) knew that she must remain professional. Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards) started to saunter slowly and cautiously as she made her way through the crowd but she found her oversized 'Box O Chocolates' costume very cumbersome and limiting.
Finally, she reached the dazzling stranger and queried him in her most seductive tone. "Are you Mr. Harry Butz?" Upon confirmation, Nevaeh(heaven spelled backwards) broke into her well rehearsed song and finished her performance by flashing Mr. Butz with a quick flip open front on her box costume and declaring, "Life really is like a box of chocolates. You just never know what you're gonna get."
The other patrons at the church dance went all slack jawed as Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards) made her way to the auditorium exit door. Life as a Candy Gram girl wasn't always easy and Nevaeh(heaven spelled backwards) kept to a tight schedule. She was due to make an appearance at.....
. . . The Govenors' Mansion, it is his honors birthday today and he has been set-up by his assistance. She just hoped that Mrs. Govenor won't mind too much. Nevaeh had another job to do as well, for along with being a Candy Gram Girl she was also a Secret Agent Spy. The Candy Gram bit was just a cover-up, so that she could get to people without them thinking that she is a suspicious character. All she has to do is open her box top and when they are transfixed she touches a sleeve or watch and placing an invisible camera chip there, her job is done. A bug here or there is little to ask for the millions that she makes a year. The business is kind of a lonely one but in two years when she retires she'll be able to buy a small island and live for the rest of her life comfortably. Back to the task at hand, she manuvers into her small 10 year old car and heads onto the interstate in the direction of the Govenors mansion. . .
where the town's best and brightest would be assembled for the governor's birthday shindig. As odd as it seemed to be celebrating anything so soon after her divorce, a job was a job and she knew she must be at her fake-jovial best.
Checking her lipstick in the rearview mirror, she was most surprised to see the reflection of....
the immense looming figure of the scarlet hued Kool-Aid man trying to look inconspicuous in the backseat. An emerging sense of alarm rose up to the surface, and Nevaeh found her terrified scream stifled with the swift movement of a white gloved hand clamped firmly over her mouth. The Kool-Aid man spoketh unto her saying, "Feareth not, it tis only I, Billy Bob."
Nevaeh went limp with relief as she realized that the frightening Kool-Aid man costume actually served as clever camouflage for her super secrety spy colleague. Nevaeh didn't care much for Billy Bob as he harbored some lecherously sexist ways. The likes of which had not been seen since The Dukes Of Hazzard T.V. show in the booty short utopia of the 80's. Billy Bob just never seemed to tire of asking a disgusted Nevaeh, clad in her 'box o chocolates' disguise, if she would "give him some sugar."
Billy Bob leaned forward and rubbed his hands in sweaty anticipation as he murmured in Nevaeh's ear, "You and I would make a clever pair of partners. We should join forces." Nevaeh retorted with a snappy, "The Candy Gram Girl and the Kool-Aid man joining forces for what? To rot out the teeth of all the kids in this town?"
Just then their pithy conversation was interrupted when.......
statue of an egg salad sandwich that someone had pried loose from the Town Square and placed it directly into the path of oncoming cars. Nevaeh had faced certain peril during many of her secrety spy adventures, but never before had accidental death appeared to her as a giant egg salad sandwich statue, resplendent and shimmery with its brushed metallic patina.
Billy Bob lost all his usual swagger and more than a few ounces of Kool-Aid when he hysterically screamed "Look out!" like a little girl. Nevaeh slammed her foot onto the brake amidst a surreal blur of of lights and sounds. Miraculously the car skidded and jerked wildly against the pavement befoe coming to a complete halt inches from the egg salad sandwich of doom.
Nevaeh, though, shaken and a little stirred, escaped injury. Sadly, Billy Bob was not as fortunate. The welded pickle that had remain affixed to the side of the egg salad sandwich since the town first erected it 50 years earlier for their annual "Egg Salad Eggstravaganza," had come loose. The giant, slippery cucumber had penetrated the car, thus impaling Billy Bob, killing him instantaneously.
Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards) turned away from the gruesome mess left behind in the rear of her vehicle. She angrily swore vengeance against the perpetrators of this heinous egg salad crime when a distinct cackling could be heard above the anguish and commotion. Nevaeh knew that laugh just all too well. It belonged to her arch nemesis, Heaven (Heaven spelled forwards).
DVD case bearing the title, Samantha and the Giant Flesh-Eating Bacterial Pancake. Nevaeh always kept it handy for just such an occasion. Her arch rival Heaven had starred as Samantha in the movie (which was immediately released on DVD), and her most humiliating celluloid moment had come while being slowly devoured by a huge moldy green breakfast cake. Nevaeh knew that only the shame of appearing in this film could stave off Heaven, who had hellishly planted the egg salad sandwich and fatal pickle in the middle of the freeway where she KNEW Nevaeh and Billy Bob would be driving. Heaven was just that devious.
Nevaeh delicately extricated herself from the wreckage of her car, sniffling one last time over her Kool-Aid-Man-costumed fellow spy who would not live to yell another "Oh Yeah!", and Velcro-ed the DVD case to one of her fake chocolates. Slightly painfully, she slipped behind Heaven (spelled forward) and said.....
"Have you missed me, Sister?" It was true, Neveah (Heaven spelled backwards) and Heaven (Heaven spelled forwards) were twin sisters who had, unfortunately for them, NOT been seperated at birth. The only fortunate thing to Nevaeh, was that their Mother had bought every copy of Samantha and the Giant Flesh-Eating Bacterial Pancake when it hit the bargain bin at WalMart a mere two weeks after its DVD debut. She was counting on the power of the DVD now as she faced her Sister, who had been her worst enemy ever since...
...Taerg Natas, their older brother, stole the copyright of the pancake movie. But, little did they know, they were going to watch the movie repeatedly until they, too, were infected with the crazy flesh-eating bacteria. This was possible because Natas recently invented and marketed the new fad in television entertainment known as Infecto-Vision and...
. . . as hard as it was Nevaeh, knew that the only thing to do to save the people of the world, was to band together with her arch nemisis and fight their Evil brother. " I have a propersition of truce for you, sis?" Nevaeh threw out there at Heaven. " What could YOU possibly say that would be able to help?" questioned Heaven near tears with rage. " If we were to fuse our efforts we could overcome Taerg, and destroy his treatrous device. Then we can destroy all of the copies of your movie, so that no one will ever remember that they existed." Suggested Nevaeh. Now that the dice were on the table it was her play and nevaeh only hoped that the move her sister made was the right one. After a long while of silence in which Nevaeh thought her sister had fallen asleep, she finally answered " Okay, I guess we can join forces for awhile. But, if this doesn't work I'm going to take matters into my own hands." The twins shook on the agreement and as they were pooling their resources Nevaeh saw something that made the blood drain from her face and gasped. . .
(She must have had some bad mushrooms at dinner. Power Ranger flashbacks are the worst!) In any case Heaven grabbed a nearby flask of bourbon and dashed its contents acrossed Nevaeh's face to bring her around. The newly reconciled sisters got up, dusted off their dirty dungarees and decided what they really needed was . . .
Just kidding. They spent the night at Providence Inn's Garden Room (that would be near Logan, Utah) and did fun things like sneak downstairs in the middle of the night and alphabetize the bookcase full of VHS movies and eat everything in the fridge (including the food for the "breakfast" portion of "bed and breakfast"). They bonded over a snowball fight in the front yard. They went to Old Rock Church's chapel and banged on the piano for a while, creating a never-before-heard version of "Heart and Soul" that had the rest of the Inn's occupants swinging the night away.
The next day, they packed up and headed for their new lives in....
Costa Rica where they were planning to be volunteers at a bat sanctuary (did you know that out of 200 mammal species in Costa Rica, half of them are bat species?) shoveling guano for room and board.
18 Comments:
young.
The disco ball spun, throwing multi-colored gems of light around the room.
She stood alone in a corner...watching...waiting. And then she saw him...
He was tall, dark and very handsome. There was a dominet strength about him, and yet he seemed less forboding than her former husband. The only thing that stopped her from walking over and offering this gem of a man a drink was the fact that this was her target and she had a job to do...
Yes, the life of a Candy Gram girl wasn't always easy, but Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards) knew that she must remain professional. Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards) started to saunter slowly and cautiously as she made her way through the crowd but she found her oversized 'Box O Chocolates' costume very cumbersome and limiting.
Finally, she reached the dazzling stranger and queried him in her most seductive tone. "Are you Mr. Harry Butz?" Upon confirmation, Nevaeh(heaven spelled backwards) broke into her well rehearsed song and finished her performance by flashing Mr. Butz with a quick flip open front on her box costume and declaring, "Life really is like a box of chocolates. You just never know what you're gonna get."
The other patrons at the church dance went all slack jawed as Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards) made her way to the auditorium exit door. Life as a Candy Gram girl wasn't always easy and Nevaeh(heaven spelled backwards) kept to a tight schedule. She was due to make an appearance at.....
. . . The Govenors' Mansion, it is his honors birthday today and he has been set-up by his assistance. She just hoped that Mrs. Govenor won't mind too much. Nevaeh had another job to do as well, for along with being a Candy Gram Girl she was also a Secret Agent Spy. The Candy Gram bit was just a cover-up, so that she could get to people without them thinking that she is a suspicious character. All she has to do is open her box top and when they are transfixed she touches a sleeve or watch and placing an invisible camera chip there, her job is done.
A bug here or there is little to ask for the millions that she makes a year. The business is kind of a lonely one but in two years when she retires she'll be able to buy a small island and live for the rest of her life comfortably.
Back to the task at hand, she manuvers into her small 10 year old car and heads onto the interstate in the direction of the Govenors mansion. . .
where the town's best and brightest would be assembled for the governor's birthday shindig. As odd as it seemed to be celebrating anything so soon after her divorce, a job was a job and she knew she must be at her fake-jovial best.
Checking her lipstick in the rearview mirror, she was most surprised to see the reflection of....
the immense looming figure of the scarlet hued Kool-Aid man trying to look inconspicuous in the backseat. An emerging sense of alarm rose up to the surface, and Nevaeh found her terrified scream stifled with the swift movement of a white gloved hand clamped firmly over her mouth. The Kool-Aid man spoketh unto her saying, "Feareth not, it tis only I, Billy Bob."
Nevaeh went limp with relief as she realized that the frightening Kool-Aid man costume actually served as clever camouflage for her super secrety spy colleague. Nevaeh didn't care much for Billy Bob as he harbored some lecherously sexist ways. The likes of which had not been seen since The Dukes Of Hazzard T.V. show in the booty short utopia of the 80's. Billy Bob just never seemed to tire of asking a disgusted Nevaeh, clad in her 'box o chocolates' disguise, if she would "give him some sugar."
Billy Bob leaned forward and rubbed his hands in sweaty anticipation as he murmured in Nevaeh's ear, "You and I would make a clever pair of partners. We should join forces." Nevaeh retorted with a snappy, "The Candy Gram Girl and the Kool-Aid man joining forces for what? To rot out the teeth of all the kids in this town?"
Just then their pithy conversation was interrupted when.......
. . . Suddenly a horn honked from a passing car. Then the car in front of them swerved and Nevaeh swerved also for in the road was a giant. . .
statue of an egg salad sandwich that someone had pried loose from the Town Square and placed it directly into the path of oncoming cars. Nevaeh had faced certain peril during many of her secrety spy adventures, but never before had accidental death appeared to her as a giant egg salad sandwich statue, resplendent and shimmery with its brushed metallic patina.
Billy Bob lost all his usual swagger and more than a few ounces of Kool-Aid when he hysterically screamed "Look out!" like a little girl. Nevaeh slammed her foot onto the brake amidst a surreal blur of of lights and sounds. Miraculously the car skidded and jerked wildly against the pavement befoe coming to a complete halt inches from the egg salad sandwich of doom.
Nevaeh, though, shaken and a little stirred, escaped injury. Sadly, Billy Bob was not as fortunate. The welded pickle that had remain affixed to the side of the egg salad sandwich since the town first erected it 50 years earlier for their annual "Egg Salad Eggstravaganza," had come loose. The giant, slippery cucumber had penetrated the car, thus impaling Billy Bob, killing him instantaneously.
Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards) turned away from the gruesome mess left behind in the rear of her vehicle. She angrily swore vengeance against the perpetrators of this heinous egg salad crime when a distinct cackling could be heard above the anguish and commotion. Nevaeh knew that laugh just all too well. It belonged to her arch nemesis, Heaven (Heaven spelled forwards).
Always quick to react, Nevaeh grabbed a.........
DVD case bearing the title, Samantha and the Giant Flesh-Eating Bacterial Pancake. Nevaeh always kept it handy for just such an occasion. Her arch rival Heaven had starred as Samantha in the movie (which was immediately released on DVD), and her most humiliating celluloid moment had come while being slowly devoured by a huge moldy green breakfast cake. Nevaeh knew that only the shame of appearing in this film could stave off Heaven, who had hellishly planted the egg salad sandwich and fatal pickle in the middle of the freeway where she KNEW Nevaeh and Billy Bob would be driving. Heaven was just that devious.
Nevaeh delicately extricated herself from the wreckage of her car, sniffling one last time over her Kool-Aid-Man-costumed fellow spy who would not live to yell another "Oh Yeah!", and Velcro-ed the DVD case to one of her fake chocolates. Slightly painfully, she slipped behind Heaven (spelled forward) and said.....
"Have you missed me, Sister?"
It was true, Neveah (Heaven spelled backwards) and Heaven (Heaven spelled forwards) were twin sisters who had, unfortunately for them, NOT been seperated at birth.
The only fortunate thing to Nevaeh, was that their Mother had bought every copy of Samantha and the Giant Flesh-Eating Bacterial Pancake when it hit the bargain bin at WalMart a mere two weeks after its DVD debut. She was counting on the power of the DVD now as she faced her Sister, who had been her worst enemy ever since...
...Taerg Natas, their older brother, stole the copyright of the pancake movie. But, little did they know, they were going to watch the movie repeatedly until they, too, were infected with the crazy flesh-eating bacteria. This was possible because Natas recently invented and marketed the new fad in television entertainment known as Infecto-Vision and...
. . . as hard as it was Nevaeh, knew that the only thing to do to save the people of the world, was to band together with her arch nemisis and fight their Evil brother.
" I have a propersition of truce for you, sis?" Nevaeh threw out there at Heaven.
" What could YOU possibly say that would be able to help?" questioned Heaven near tears with rage.
" If we were to fuse our efforts we could overcome Taerg, and destroy his treatrous device. Then we can destroy all of the copies of your movie, so that no one will ever remember that they existed." Suggested Nevaeh. Now that the dice were on the table it was her play and nevaeh only hoped that the move her sister made was the right one.
After a long while of silence in which Nevaeh thought her sister had fallen asleep, she finally answered
" Okay, I guess we can join forces for awhile. But, if this doesn't work I'm going to take matters into my own hands."
The twins shook on the agreement and as they were pooling their resources Nevaeh saw something that made the blood drain from her face and gasped. . .
"Wonder Twin Powers...ACTIVATE!" Before collapsing to the pavement.
(She must have had some bad mushrooms at dinner. Power Ranger flashbacks are the worst!) In any case Heaven grabbed a nearby flask of bourbon and dashed its contents acrossed Nevaeh's face to bring her around. The newly reconciled sisters got up, dusted off their dirty dungarees and decided what they really needed was . . .
...a nights rest in a clean hotel and then they were going to head right to the Peace Corps office and sign themselves up for a life more worthwhile.
Like... the Stripping Twins Revue!!!
Just kidding. They spent the night at Providence Inn's Garden Room (that would be near Logan, Utah) and did fun things like sneak downstairs in the middle of the night and alphabetize the bookcase full of VHS movies and eat everything in the fridge (including the food for the "breakfast" portion of "bed and breakfast"). They bonded over a snowball fight in the front yard. They went to Old Rock Church's chapel and banged on the piano for a while, creating a never-before-heard version of "Heart and Soul" that had the rest of the Inn's occupants swinging the night away.
The next day, they packed up and headed for their new lives in....
Costa Rica where they were planning to be volunteers at a bat sanctuary (did you know that out of 200 mammal species in Costa Rica, half of them are bat species?) shoveling guano for room and board.
ugh....never thought I would be shoveling bat caa-caa....I may as well dance.
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